Call me crazy, I don't care.
Obsessed I am.
What others think, I don't really give a damn!
Life is not simple. It is very complex.
Someone once said; When you lose a parent you lose your past
When you lose a spouse you lose your present
and when you lose a child you lose your future....
As for me it's two out of three. I've lost part of my past , as I'm sure many of you have, but I've also lost part of my future.
In the legendary words of MEATLOAF , "Two out of three aint bad" but I disagree.
You cannot change the way you feel about loss or even the way you'd like to feel- it's just something that is. Like death itself ,these feelings are permanent. If feeling constant sorrow, anger, and a powerless sense of loss offends anyone, they haven't experienced loss of someone who really mattered.
The inability to help yourself or be of any use to others is overpowering.
Being strong is over rated. Try comforting your own child who has lost their only child, while 'trying to keep it together' see if that works for you.
Feeling sorry for myself and my family? Hell yes! It's only been a little while...seems like yesterday.
Don't like it? I hate it. This is what our lives have become. A new chapter that no-one really wants to read.
I will always miss you Daddy and Elijah....
2 comments:
I am so sorry you have had to deal with these losses. I know that everyone says it'll make you stronger, I'm sure I've said that in my blog, but sometimes you just want to be mad at everything. I've been mad at the world lately for a number of things, for inequality, for injustice, for the supposed randomness of everything. I know I'm not the first human being to feel these things, it seems to be a universal theme in humanity. I wish you well in your recovery, and I know the pain will never end. What you are doing to keep the memories alive is the best thing you can do.
I think your blog was as honest as it gets. It sounds like someone in your life thinks that you should 'move on' or something else absurd like that. When people say those things about my daughter or about me, I force myself to be grateful that they have NO idea what they are talking about and I pray for them that they can keep living in their fantasy land and never feel what you and others like us have felt. I never knew such agony could exist until I entered this world of DiGeorge syndrome and heart babies and have continued in it through the many groups and other families we keep in touch with. Yours was a loss and continues to be a loss that most will never understand. So you vent, sister! I will listen to you.
Anne
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